Losing Connection With Home

Have you ever felt like you are losing connection with your home? With the place where you spend your whole childhood? With the people? Because I am feeling it right now and it is scaring me a bit.

I have been living away from home for 4 years now. First 2 years sharing and last 2 years living on my own. However, lately I was feeling like I do not want to even go home anymore. Like I want to stay where I am now, at my new home. I am feeling distant from all the people that I left behind, my family included. I think the strange feelings might come from the difference between having my own and sharing though.

I got used to being as loud or as quiet as I want to be. I got used to having everything my own way and knowing where everything is. I got used to the freedom of doing what I want without having to tell (because you can´t just leave the house without saying you are going out) and I miss it when I go home. Because when I go home I suddenly don´t know where plates or glasses are, because my mum has rearranged the house. I suddenly feel like I have to explain my every move and I cannot be selfish because there are other people around me.

In one sentence, I do not get those great feels of coming home that I used to 3 years ago. Instead, I get them, when I arrive back to my place.

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